I have not been feeling my best these past couple of weeks. I've failed miserably in my momma role and though my husband might argue otherwise, I feel like I haven't been "there", there being that place or state of mind where I am in control, excited about doing art projects with the girls, keeping them busy and away from the TV, focused completely on them. Instead, my mind has been overtaken by thoughts of returning to a full time job and everything that goes along with that. Not so long ago, I was not ready or even thinking to start job searching and I wanted to be at home with the girls for at least a year; but the past two weeks have not been easy and I think my feelings have changed. I love my girls very much, more than words can say but there's a void inside me that needs to be tended to. This may sound selfish and not quite the motherly thing to say out loud but, a part of me needs space to breath and grow, time to do things that I love or make me feel productive, things that are not completely tied to homemaking and motherhood. I truly believe that if I had more support or if my mother lived closer these words would not cross my mind.
I have a lot of thinking to do. I should also mention that the whole returning to work thing is not coming from a completely selfish place: I've also been thinking of their future and while being at home is great for their present, it doesn't help pay for future expenses, like college. Anyway, there's plenty of thinking left do to. In the meantime, my focus must return to my girls because this just might be my only chance to be their everything.
Here are the pictures that reminded me of what I've been missing out on these past couple of weeks while my mind has been wandering elsewhere:
No comments:
Post a Comment