Week recap: Pumpkins, Costumes and Coffee

It's 2:00, I'm on my third coffee. Lucia sleeps while Stella makes pizza out of play-doh. Ariel just called and will not be joining us for our early dinner. No cooking: my day just got better. I'll just heat up some leftovers for me and the girls.  I now have some time for myself and can't make  up my mind what to do with it. So I write and edit photos. Shows what my priorities are and how I lack organization. 

Here's what we've been up to this past week:

1. I was able to get over my bad feelings/thoughts and focus on my family and home. Daddy and the girls have been recovering from their colds.

2.  Stella picked out her costume. I was not feeling the princess thing but she insisted and picked out a very pink dress. I would've preferred something with wings and colors. She also picked out a fancy purple mask for me. I'm looking forward to Halloween though I'm not sure what to expect since I don't have much of a plan. There will be a party at day care but Stella refuses to go. She's going through an attachment phase and does not want to be anywhere without me (that's a topic for another post) so I'm not sure she'll make it to the party. I'd like to take them trick-or-treating but we're new to our neighborhood and I'm not sure if kids come out at all. We'll have to wait and see.

Feeling better and playing outdoors. Making pizza. Looking at mommy's baby pictures. Trying on mommy's mask.

3. On Saturday morning my husband surprised me with flowers and coffee. He laughed as my first reaction was to grab the coffee (give me coffee and I'm happy). That evening, we invited a few friends for dinner as we watched the World Series. My husbands favorite team is playing and we've been following them all week.

4. We went to the Fall Festival at the Queens County Farm on Sunday. The place was so crowded that I don't think I'll ever return (to the festival, not the farm). What usually is a peaceful and fun place was a complete nightmare. We walked straight to the pumpkin field and ignored the tents, characters and games. The girls played with dirt and were happy; that was good enough for me. As a bonus, I have some awesome pictures of them:

A selfish post

I have not been feeling my best these past couple of weeks. I've failed miserably in my momma role and though my husband might argue otherwise, I feel like I haven't been "there", there being that place or state of mind where I am in control, excited about doing art projects with the girls, keeping them busy and away from the TV, focused completely on them. Instead, my mind has been overtaken by thoughts of returning to a full time job and everything that goes along with that. Not so long ago, I was not ready or even thinking to start job searching and I wanted to be at home with the girls for at least a year; but the past two weeks have not been easy and I think my feelings have changed. I love my girls very much, more than words can say but there's a void inside me that needs to be tended to. This may sound selfish and not quite the motherly thing to say out loud but, a part of me needs space to breath and grow, time to do things that I love or make me feel productive, things that are not completely tied to homemaking and motherhood. I truly believe that if I had more support or if my mother lived closer these words would not cross my mind.

I have a lot of thinking to do. I should also mention that the whole returning to work thing is not coming from a completely selfish place: I've also been thinking of their future and while being at home is great for their present, it doesn't help pay for future expenses, like college. Anyway, there's plenty of thinking left do to. In the meantime, my focus must return to my girls because this just might be my only chance to be their everything.

Here are the pictures that reminded me of what I've been missing out on these past couple of weeks while my mind has been wandering elsewhere:

Halloween prepping

As I walked outside this morning and felt the chilly wind, it sadden me to realize that winter is approaching. I'm so not ready for cold weather.

Halloween is next week and though we started decorating early, costumes have not been purchased nor have we gone pumpkin picking. October weekends have been busy so pumpkins have had to wait. Hopefully we'll be able to do this on Saturday.

Stella wants to be a princess. Lucía does not understand Halloween yet so I'll have to pick something for her, that is, if she doesn't fit into her sister's old costume. As per Stella's request, I am going to be a witch but I can't paint my face green and if I really want to paint my face, it should be pink, so she says.