A September Morning

Early Sunday, around 10am, sunny and warm for a late September morning. I had just finished drinking my coffee when I asked the girls if they wanted to go out. We didn’t do much. The girls picked wildflowers (more like weeds) and ran in circles while I clicked away with my camera and smiled every time they found a flower. Nothing extraordinary or different from other random days; in fact, I had completely forgotten about that morning had it not been for the photographs. I was browsing my catalogue for the past few weeks and realized I had neglected some. All of a sudden the memories rushed back to me: their smiles, Lucía doing her silly dance, us running back indoors away from the mosquitos I thought had left along with summer. I know the girls won’t remember ordinary moments like those but I’m glad I can capture some of them; and even though I’m not in the actual images, they’ll know I was there all along… as I always will be.

First Day

Her excitement and giggles made it impossible for me to take a photo. But she's smiling and happy and really, that's what counts. 

I had been dreading the first day of Pre-K since the moment Stella turned 4. The thought that I would have to leave her with people she was not familiar with for hours at a time did not sit well with my heart; especially considering how attached she had become some time before her fourth birthday. For weeks, I would bring up school into our conversations just so she would get used to the idea, perhaps get excited about it. Every time someone reminded her that she was going to start school soon, she’d turned her face the other way and ignore the conversation or would answer with a simple “No, I’m not going”. Period. She was not having it. 

She whispered in my ear one day that she didn’t want to go because she was afraid. I felt my heart sink and wished for a second that I could keep her home with me forever. I held her and promised everything would be ok. I told her there was nothing wrong with being afraid and that I, too, was afraid when I started school. 

Slowly but surely her attitude started to change and I noticed a few smiles when saying the forbidden word. Suddenly one day she asked if the teacher would teach her how to read. She finally decided to pick up the backpack I bought her weeks ago. Although she kept repeating she didn’t want to go, she became interested and started asking questions. 

When the day finally arrived she was happy, somewhat scared but happy. Maybe her happiness coincided with my mother being home this week but, nonetheless, she sang the whole ride to school and never stopped smiling. That was of course, until she realized it was time for me to go. She cried and refused to stay. I tried to be strong and not fall apart in front of her. After five or ten minutes of this, the teacher told me the longer I stayed the worst it would be. And I had to let go and leave my child crying in front of the classroom door. All this happening in front of my younger daughter who came along with us. I wiped my tears as I walked out the door without looking back. I felt an urge to walk back and peek through the window but rapidly changed my mind; it would’t be fair to let her see me again. After waiting ten minutes in the car I called the school to confirm she was Ok. Meanwhile, Lucia cried and kept repeating “I want Stella. Get Stella”. She had seen her sister cry and was concerned. I reassured her that we would return for her, that she was Ok.

After two hours and a half I returned to pick her up and there was my girl, all smiles. We had gotten through the day and it was all good. 

Our lives are changing. My girls are growing. And it is all happening too soon. 

Cardboard Dollhouse

I was about to organize our recycling when I noticed a couple of diaper boxes from afar. "I can do something with them. Maybe a dollhouse?", I thought to myself as I picked up the boxes and arranged them one over the other wondering if this idea of mine was possible. I saved the boxes and searched online for ideas. I was thrilled to see that others had thought of this before me. My search resulted in what seemed like a never ending quest for an almost perfect dollhouse without spending too much money and completing it before Christmas (it was mid-November then).

I've always loved dollhouses. I remember one evening, years ago, walking down Lexington Avenue when I stumbled upon one of the most amazing stores I've ever seen in New York City: a place that only sold dollhouses and miniature furniture and accessories for them. The store was closed and I've never really had a chance to go inside (probably best) but I stared at that place for a long time, amazed at the details and beauty of everything. Of course, the dollhouse that I would build for my girls would be nothing like those victorian, elegant, delicate ones; instead it'd be one perfect for their age, something they can actually play with, something made entirely by hand; something we could share and remember and talk about in the future: "remember that cardboard dollhouse mom made for us?". 

I rummaged through drawers and closets, looking for items that I could recycle. I saved egg cartons, toothpaste boxes, empty bins, plastics, medicine cups, bottle caps, scraps of paper, toothpicks and more; a few extra materials from my crafting supplies were also added to the mix.

I glued the boxes together and carved a few windows and a balcony door. My daughter helped paint and glue paper to the exterior of the house. This was probably the best part of the project, having her help and listen to her suggestions (I asked her opinion for almost everything I wanted to incorporate to the house). To this day, she tells everyone that comes to visit that she and her mom made the house and that she painted the purple roof all on her own.  She saids it with so much pride, I can't help smile every time.

Below are photos of the finished house. I would've loved to do more but I had already spent too much time on it and my obsession needed to stop. My scavenger hunts and late night dates with glue and paint were becoming too much (also, my husband was starting to look at me as if I had gone mad). 

I didn't complete it before Christmas; I put it aside two weeks in and didn't get back to it until after the new year. I'd say it took me about a month to complete. I'm happy to say the house has been a success and my heart jumps a little every time I see my girls playing with it. (More photos can be seen here: https://www.flickr.com/photos/barcarola/sets/72157644625913575/).

Walls and Flooring: All paper, glued and Mod Podged.

The Kitchen: my favorite room in the house and the one I am most proud of. I mean, it still amazes me that I was able to pull off the stove-sink-countertop piece. This was made of a jewelry gift box and a tin container (baby shower souvenir) as a sink. The stove tops are felt chair glides and the handles were made of a lollipop stick that I cut and painted black. The oven window has a piece of plastic I added from a toy box.

The garbage dispenser is made of an M&M's container cut in half and I glued a tiny plastic bag in it. The refrigerator is actually an iPhone box painted white. The door was part of the box which was cut and attached with duck tape so that the door could open and close.

Curtains and shelf were also hand made. The curtain pole came from a kebab skewer (removable). 

The Living Room: All handmade furniture using wood, cardboard, paper, felt and a rum bottle cap as side table.

The Balcony: Flowers outside of kitchen window and on the balcony were cut from a a decorative flower stem. Flower pot is a painted medicine cup. Railings or fence consists of four wooden pieces (from Michael's) which I glued together and painted. The balcony was made from leftover cardboard.

The Kid's Bedroom: I love this room. It started out with the bunk beds, made from cardboard, wood, paper and Mod Podge. Pillows were sewn from one of my daughter's old baby onsies and filled with cotton. My eldest daughter helped filled them. She also made the rug (without help, just my instructions) out of cardboard and yarn. Curtains were handmade. ABC magazine cutout was Mod Podged to the wall. The ceiling lamp was made out of a metal tea light cup, ribbon and a piece of a kid's party necklace.

The Main Bedroom: The bed was the first piece of furniture I created, using cardboard and paper (also Mod Podged). The lamp was made using a lollipop stick, foam and a medicine cup covered in lace ribbon. The side table was borrowed from a pizza box and the wall mirror was a red Christmas ornament that I painted over with acrylic. 

The chandelier was made using a couple of old earrings I no longer used, over a gold colored paper clip (which was disguised with Christmas tinsel) and hung with string.

I had purchased the white picture frame a while ago at Michael's and used it to frame a small "art" piece I made for the room with my girl's watercolors.

The Bathroom: Tub made out of a cookie dough container; the faucet came from a juice box straw that I covered with metallic paint. Sink is a metal tea light container over a toothpaste box painted white. As for the wall mirror, I removed a mirror of a makeup kit I no longer used and covered it with foam to prevent little fingers from getting hurt. 

The toilet, yes, I struggled with this and at the end decided to borrow the one from my kid's Fisher Price dollhouse. 

Rooftop/Sitting Room/Do-whatever-you-want-area: My daughter also made the rug while I made the chair out of wooden sticks and four pieces of a wooden puzzle that I borrowed from her (don't think she minds).

This was definitely a fun and memorable project. 

Seeking inspiration

This afternoon I was thinking of how uninspired I’ve been lately, blaming most of it on the harsh winter. In the twelve years since I returned to New York, I don’t remember it being this cold for so long. I’ve stayed mostly indoors and I’m starting to lose it; and just when I decide that it is time for the girls to get out, another snow stormed has been announced. 

I keep blaming the weather for my lack of motivation. I feel that, lately, I've been failing as a parent by not being as creative as I should be with the girls' activities. My mind has been wandering about too many places and issues without really focusing on the small, yet important stuff. My daughter has been asking me for two days to play ‘restaurant’ with her and somehow other things get in the way and we end up postponing it for the next day. It's not that I have neglected them completely (I do read with them, complete puzzles, play games and paint), but I know that I could do better and focus a hundred percent on them while we're together, instead of thinking of five other things at the same time. I also have a cold and it's not helping.

I was just reading a post about struggling to move forward and focus on solutions, doing whatever is necessary for our kids and I thought, why am I stuck in such unproductive and negative place? Why am I not focusing on solutions, on being a better parent?  It’s time to shake off the negativity and create a schedule, come up with new games and activities to do with the girls. After all, it is my luck that I get to be with them all day and I know this won’t last. Soon I'll be working again and will then be wishing to be here, stuck at home with my girls because it’s too cold to go anywhere and we don’t have a good enough reason to get out of our pj's. Instead of waiting for it, I need to start seeking inspiration, or rather, open my eyes to the possibilities that lie within the everyday.