A September Morning

Early Sunday, around 10am, sunny and warm for a late September morning. I had just finished drinking my coffee when I asked the girls if they wanted to go out. We didn’t do much. The girls picked wildflowers (more like weeds) and ran in circles while I clicked away with my camera and smiled every time they found a flower. Nothing extraordinary or different from other random days; in fact, I had completely forgotten about that morning had it not been for the photographs. I was browsing my catalogue for the past few weeks and realized I had neglected some. All of a sudden the memories rushed back to me: their smiles, Lucía doing her silly dance, us running back indoors away from the mosquitos I thought had left along with summer. I know the girls won’t remember ordinary moments like those but I’m glad I can capture some of them; and even though I’m not in the actual images, they’ll know I was there all along… as I always will be.

Fun day

"Today was a fun day!" Those were Stella's words as I started the car. We were about to head back home from the playground after a very long day. Several hours of our day were spent in that same car, driving around Manhattan, helping daddy out with work. Afterwards, we had a late lunch at an Italian restaurant where the girls ended up with pasta everywhere. I actually didn't mind the mess. In fact, I enjoyed watching them slurp spaghetti and untangle the long strings with their hands. They were so happy I could not help but watch and let them be. 

And so we went to the park. The idea was that I would have them accompany me while I played with my camera and the light, try to get as I could from the evening sun. Yeah.. that lasted about five minutes when I had to change plans and take them to the playground because my littlest was not in the mood for photos and the oldest wanted to be over with it as soon as possible. 

I managed to take a few pictures:

While at the playground, my little one yelled several times: "I'm brave", as she insisted on climbing a latter on her own. She refused to be held and so I stood behind her, every single time, ready in case she needed me. It's amazing how much she's grown, changed and learned in the past six months. Watching her, I was one proud mama.

If motherhood has taught me anything, it is that you can never really plan things. I mean, you can try (and you should otherwise there's no way of getting things done) but it's easier to expect them to change and just go with it. Sometimes it turns out for the best.

Farewell Winter!

I don’t remember the last time I saw my girls run with such excitement and freedom as they did one afternoon, a few days ago. It was the first time this year that we were able to play outside. This winter has been long and cruel and, even if you have a sizable indoor space, nothing compares to fresh air, to running with arms wide open and letting your body fall on the grass, feel the coldness of a ground that, just as you, longed for the sun’s warmth. They chased bubbles; smudged their hands and faces with chalk; played their version of hopscotch; said hello to the girl next door; picked up leaves left behind by the cold. They were happy. Meanwhile, I let go of my wintry shell and left my heart open to the possibility of falling in love with this city all over again.

Seeking inspiration

This afternoon I was thinking of how uninspired I’ve been lately, blaming most of it on the harsh winter. In the twelve years since I returned to New York, I don’t remember it being this cold for so long. I’ve stayed mostly indoors and I’m starting to lose it; and just when I decide that it is time for the girls to get out, another snow stormed has been announced. 

I keep blaming the weather for my lack of motivation. I feel that, lately, I've been failing as a parent by not being as creative as I should be with the girls' activities. My mind has been wandering about too many places and issues without really focusing on the small, yet important stuff. My daughter has been asking me for two days to play ‘restaurant’ with her and somehow other things get in the way and we end up postponing it for the next day. It's not that I have neglected them completely (I do read with them, complete puzzles, play games and paint), but I know that I could do better and focus a hundred percent on them while we're together, instead of thinking of five other things at the same time. I also have a cold and it's not helping.

I was just reading a post about struggling to move forward and focus on solutions, doing whatever is necessary for our kids and I thought, why am I stuck in such unproductive and negative place? Why am I not focusing on solutions, on being a better parent?  It’s time to shake off the negativity and create a schedule, come up with new games and activities to do with the girls. After all, it is my luck that I get to be with them all day and I know this won’t last. Soon I'll be working again and will then be wishing to be here, stuck at home with my girls because it’s too cold to go anywhere and we don’t have a good enough reason to get out of our pj's. Instead of waiting for it, I need to start seeking inspiration, or rather, open my eyes to the possibilities that lie within the everyday.

Feeling Festive

It seems like these days (or rather weeks) have flown by. I've been busy at home with the girls, a few guests here and there and Christmas decorating. Yes, my mind is in Christmas mode and it's the first time that I've started celebrating this early. I say celebrating because decorating, buying or making ornaments, seeking out lights that have been hidden for a year is, in my book, a way of celebrating; especially when you can share with your kids your love for this holiday and have them be a part of it. On the other hand, Thanksgiving is approaching and although dinner will be our home this year, I haven't started planning and honestly, I'm not really feeling it. Though I don't have a dinner menu, this morning I was singing along to Christmas station on Pandora and lit up our Christmas village. Oh, my priorities...

Our tree is up, to much of the excitement of my daughters. I tried to make of the decorating something special with them by having them help me put up decorations and actually making some. I would like for them to be excited each year as winter approaches, to see Christmas not only for the gifts but for the chance to share and be around family; or better yet, I'd like the tree decorating to become a family tradition, something we do together (if only I can get my husband to join us too). Perhaps I ask for too much but, when I think of my childhood, some of my best memories are those of family gatherings (brothers, cousins, uncles/aunts...) not only on Christmas Eve but also on Thanksgiving and New Year's. The holidays felt special and there was always a tree. I'd like something similar for my girls. 

This year will be particularly special because it will be one of the very few times that my entire family  is together; not only will my parents be present but also my first nephew, who will be born at the beginning of december. Anyway, I've been in a very good mood this week, enjoying the Christmas cheer that is slowly taking over the city (I find New York to be at its best during this season). Here a few recent pics:

Halloween

Halloween was a bit different this year and there were some aspects about it that I loved. Stella refused to attend Day Care so she stayed home with me while Lucía went to her party. Stella asked to wear her costume early and since it was lovely out, I took her outside for some pictures. The moment she walked out the door my heart ached because her sister would not join her in the fun nor be photographed with her costume. I smiled and decided to enjoy this special moment between my eldest daughter and I even though a piece of my heart was not there. She has been feeling quite attached lately and these moments alone with me make her extremely happy; and when I see her smile liked she did that morning, it makes me feel that as a mother, I’m doing something right. 

Later that afternoon we picked up Lucy and got ready to go trick-or-treating with cousin Gabi. It was a first for all of us. We knocked on a few doors and the girls were thrilled repeating something that sounded like trick-or-treat. Lucía only wore her costume when she realized we were going out. Maybe next year I’ll have a better chance at photographing her. 

Here’s a few pics of our day:

"Mommy, our flowers are back!"

Two princesses and a bee.

Week recap: Pumpkins, Costumes and Coffee

It's 2:00, I'm on my third coffee. Lucia sleeps while Stella makes pizza out of play-doh. Ariel just called and will not be joining us for our early dinner. No cooking: my day just got better. I'll just heat up some leftovers for me and the girls.  I now have some time for myself and can't make  up my mind what to do with it. So I write and edit photos. Shows what my priorities are and how I lack organization. 

Here's what we've been up to this past week:

1. I was able to get over my bad feelings/thoughts and focus on my family and home. Daddy and the girls have been recovering from their colds.

2.  Stella picked out her costume. I was not feeling the princess thing but she insisted and picked out a very pink dress. I would've preferred something with wings and colors. She also picked out a fancy purple mask for me. I'm looking forward to Halloween though I'm not sure what to expect since I don't have much of a plan. There will be a party at day care but Stella refuses to go. She's going through an attachment phase and does not want to be anywhere without me (that's a topic for another post) so I'm not sure she'll make it to the party. I'd like to take them trick-or-treating but we're new to our neighborhood and I'm not sure if kids come out at all. We'll have to wait and see.

Feeling better and playing outdoors. Making pizza. Looking at mommy's baby pictures. Trying on mommy's mask.

3. On Saturday morning my husband surprised me with flowers and coffee. He laughed as my first reaction was to grab the coffee (give me coffee and I'm happy). That evening, we invited a few friends for dinner as we watched the World Series. My husbands favorite team is playing and we've been following them all week.

4. We went to the Fall Festival at the Queens County Farm on Sunday. The place was so crowded that I don't think I'll ever return (to the festival, not the farm). What usually is a peaceful and fun place was a complete nightmare. We walked straight to the pumpkin field and ignored the tents, characters and games. The girls played with dirt and were happy; that was good enough for me. As a bonus, I have some awesome pictures of them: